Find Me Here
by pattyb2007
Summary: Takes place post "200," but changed the storyline so there is no Will / Henry. Emily Prentiss has returned to the BAU in the aftermath of JJ's abduction & rescue. JJ is having a hard time dealing with the events that have transpired since her time in Afghanistan. When she finally begins letting her best friend in, will long-hidden feelings surface? M for future chapters
1. Chapter 1

The room was dark and filled with the musty scent of a decrepit basement. She could hardly see anything that wasn't within inches of her face, but she could tell she was no longer alone.

She heard him – every deep and ragged breath he took pierced straight through her.

She could smell his sickening odor as it clashed against the smell of mold.

Worst of all, she could feel him.

She felt his presence in a way more real than the bondages that touched her wrists and held her arms tight above her head.

He moved closer and JJ felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. Resisting the urge to scream out, she heard her voice as if it came from someone else, "What do you want?"

The familiar laughter that her question evoked churned her stomach, and for a moment she feared she would be sick.

From deep inside his throat, the man whispered the answer to her question: "You."

JJ shot up from her spot on the couch while screaming "No!"

Her brief nightmare had left her drenched in a cold sweat; terror pulsing through her veins. As her heart finally began to slow down and her surroundings became familiar, JJ was mortified to see five pairs of eyes staring at her with a mixture of concern and alarm.

For months now she had avoided falling asleep while in the vicinity of her beloved team members, and up until this point her avoidance had worked.

She could kick herself for dozing off, but her lack of sleep was finally beginning to catch up with her.

Emily had been watching JJ closely ever since that son of a bitch Michael Hastings had her and Cruz abducted. She knew that JJ was not okay… and how could she be? But the dark bags under her eyes had become a permanent fixture on her tired face, and Emily knew that JJ rarely slept with any sort of peace.

Emily had decided to take a leave of absence with Interpol after JJ was safely returned home. It wasn't long before her friends had convinced her to resume her post at the BAU.

The choice to leave the BAU had been exactly what Emily needed at the time - a fresh start, the ability to make a life for herself that didn't have to be determined by her past. But her time away had allowed Emily to regain her life and step out from the shadow of Ian Doyle.

She was surprised how quickly Quantico became home; and this time around, she had no doubts. Within a month she had purchased a beautiful condo and began to set her roots. It certainly helped that she knew how badly JJ needed her. As her best friend, staying away from JJ had always been the hardest part of moving away. But Emily cared too deeply for JJ. She could never leave her now.

A painful memory jerked to the forefront of Emily's mind: breaking into a dark room to an unfathomable horror, not hesitating to put a bullet in the head of the man who nearly stabbed JJ, rushing to check on her friend. But the worst part had come upon realizing that JJ had left the room, and Emily replayed the devastating, hoarse whisper of Monteo Cruz:

"It's personal for her."

After that, it had taken all Emily had to chase after JJ and Michael Hastings without completely breaking down.

What had that bastard done to her?

What made it so personal for her?

The team knew exactly what Hastings did to women when he had the time. They had seen the evidence.

At first, Emily hadn't known how to ask JJ about her horrible experience, and the closer she got, the farther JJ pulled away.

It hurt, there was no denying that, but Emily knew it wasn't personal. JJ was pulling away from everyone around her, retreating into herself and her own quiet pain. It killed them all, but JJ was unwilling to accept help. Emily knew that she needed time, and she also knew that she would be there however she was needed when JJ was ready.

JJ was strong in a way that Emily never had been. Emily had the ability to shut things down deep inside and never bring them to the surface… but that wasn't strength. That was fear.

JJ, on the other hand, always had a way of showing her emotions fearlessly and owning who she was.

But this time was different. This time she was broken, lost in a darkness that she was trying desperately to keep hidden from everyone around her.

She was scared, and for the first time ever, she was afraid to admit it.

"I'm sorry," JJ whispered breathlessly to the team. "Bad dream."

Emily moved over to the small couch occupied by JJ and made room to sit beside the woman. She was visibly shaking and looked like she could be sick at any minute. As Emily reached her hand out to grab JJ's, JJ quickly pulled away.

She could see the hurt in Emily's eyes and it killed her. If only she could explain that she didn't pull away on purpose. She wanted the comfort of her friend more than she knew how to explain…but her body just wouldn't let her accept human touch. And she couldn't ask Emily to help her figure that out – because it was impossible.

"I'm sorry," JJ whispered again, lowering her eyes.

As the worried faces of her team members began to disperse and return to conversation, JJ took a deep and steadying breath.

"JJ, look at me," Emily said.

She didn't want to, but JJ raised her head to meet the deep and comforting eyes of her best friend.

"I want you to take my hand," Emily said. "Right now. Simple as that… just reach out and put your hand into mine. Okay?"

Tears welled up in JJ's eyes, and despite herself, they began to flow freely down her cheeks.

"Oh JJ, please," Emily pleaded. "Please honey, come here." Her arms were open wide, inviting JJ in.

"Can we talk after we land please?" JJ said quietly, quickly regaining her composure as she wiped a stray tear from her cheek.

Emily let out a frustrated sigh and took a minute before responding.

"Yes JJ. That would be fine."

Knowing the conversation would never end up happening, Emily rose from the couch and headed to find her own seat.

JJ watched her go - the woman who had flown across the world and risked her own life to save hers - and felt more hopeless than she ever had.


	2. Chapter 2

It was Friday – a few days after JJ's slip-up on the plane – and the team finally had a few days to themselves.

JJ was alone in her large house, quietly contemplating the past few months of her life.

She had bought the house upon returning from her time in Afghanistan; desiring to have a place to call home…especially a place with several bedrooms to fill someday.

That had been her plan: one way or another, she had been ready to start her family.

Afghanistan had changed her in many ways, but perhaps the most significant change had come from something that was completely unrelated to Afghanistan:

JJ had discovered, while sitting on a dusty examination table in the middle of the desert, that she was pregnant.

The news had come as a complete shock; she had not been trying to get pregnant. A family wasn't even on her radar at the time, especially since her career was really taking off.

Furthermore, the man who had gotten her pregnant was no longer in her life.

She remembered the feeling that had started deep in the pit of her stomach and risen, like a burning flame, straight through her throat and out her mouth as she finally said the words out loud: "I'm pregnant."

Monteo Cruz had been very supportive and congratulatory, not bothering to ask about the father, which JJ was thankful for.

But now, as the memories of her past began to play out in her mind like a cinematic feature, her thoughts turned to the father…

Shortly before JJ was assigned her backstop by Erin Strauss, she had been seeing a young man named Thomas who worked as an EMT in the city.

She had met Thomas at the coffee shop she frequented close to the BAU and had immediately been struck by his dazzling eyes and charming smile.

He was tall and toned, with thick dark hair that somehow always looked unkempt in the most perfect of ways.

The color of his eyes matched his hair, and he had always worn a slight scruff that suited his handsome features.

JJ had often caught herself captivated by his dark eyes, largely due to the striking resemblance they bore to Emily, who carried the same dark – yet soulful – eyes.

JJ remembered being surprised at how easily she came to love Thomas… how right it had felt with him at times. He had a job that kept him busy as well, and the constant ups and downs of her schedule didn't bother him like it had bothered every man in her past.

When they began sleeping together, JJ had not been surprised that the younger man was the best she'd ever had.

They had spent several great months' together, laughing often and sharing their dreams.

Although she had tried to hide it from herself – hoping the feeling would go away – JJ had always felt something was missing in her relationship with Thomas. He was wonderful and treated her better than she deserved, but she never felt at home in his arms.

JJ's re-assignment had eventually proved too much for Thomas to handle. The secrets and lies had torn them apart, and although it was sad, JJ had known for a while that they were heading in very different directions.

The break-up had been right.

JJ was thankful for her time with Thomas and knew she would always love him as a person. She was happy for the memories they shared and wouldn't change a thing.

Discovering she was pregnant had come so far out of left-field for JJ that her confusion was all she could focus on at first.

She had been feeling sick and slightly weak for a few days and remembered assuming it was as simple as the constant travel between Virginia and Afghanistan. Several men on the base had been feeling sick for days before JJ started experiencing symptoms.

JJ had entered the medical tent hoping for some antacids and maybe a bit of rest. There had been no part of her that even considered the possibility of pregnancy. She and Thomas hadn't spoken in weeks, and they had always been so careful when they were together.

Although, as JJ had sat on the table trying desperately to process the news, a flickering memory of a night filled with a bit too much wine and slightly irresponsible decisions flashed across her mind.

Her initial thought – after finally accepting the news and saying it out loud to Cruz - had been that Thomas would be mad or upset with her. JJ felt an immediate flash of fear when imagining flying home and revealing the news to the man she hadn't spoken to in weeks.

But she knew, however shocking the news might be, that Thomas would handle it like a man.

They would figure it out together.

Unfortunately, they never got the chance…

After discovering her pregnancy, JJ was immediately called back to Quantico by Hotch, and the constant stress of the hours spent searching for her best friend had surely not been good for JJ's unborn child.

Furthermore, attending Emily's funeral – knowing her to be alive - and lying to her closest friends had not been a walk in the park either.

When she'd accompanied Emily on the jet to Paris, JJ had considered telling her about the pregnancy then, but something about the timing just hadn't seemed right.

After speaking with Emily on the jet, JJ made up her mind - before returning to Afghanistan - that she would take Emily's advice and make it her personal mission to find the mole in her company. Her plan was then to resign from her position in order to return to Virginia.

She hadn't gotten much farther than that basic plan, but she'd had enough time to determine that she wanted to keep her child.

Now JJ sometimes found herself wishing she hadn't come to that decision.

The short time between finding out about her pregnancy and the ambush in Afghanistan had been filled with stress, sleepless nights, and hardly any time to herself.

Had she waited to make her decision about keeping the baby, she thought, maybe losing it wouldn't have affected her as much as it did.

Losing her child had changed JJ in an unspeakable way. There was no difference on the outside, but inside, a part of her died – both literally and figuratively.

It wasn't until after the miscarriage that JJ realized how badly she wanted a family to call her own.

Afghanistan had shown her that. Afghanistan had changed her forever…

The chiming of the clock as it struck 10 o'clock brought JJ abruptly back to the present.

Her cheek felt wet and she slowly reached up to wipe it off, noticing that a single tear had escaped her eye while lost in her memories.

The surfacing of painful memories had entranced JJ, and she now heard a voice far off in the back of her mind… and yet so clear that Michael Hastings could have been standing right beside her, whispering in her ear:

"We can make another one."

JJ could feel his hands slowly caressing her whole body, despite the fact that she was desperately alone.

She stood frozen in her kitchen, unsure of what move to make next. The memories that were flooding her mind were proving too much to handle.

She was terrified, and the audacity of that realization hit her like a slap across the face.

She was afraid when there was nothing at all to be afraid of. How stupid was that? she thought.

JJ was certain that whatever move she made next would be wrong, and she suddenly noticed that she could not stop shaking.

"Calm down Jennifer," She whispered to herself, trying to push her pain down while realizing she was quickly approaching a panic attack.

She was finding it more and more difficult to be alone – and the stubbornness that kept her walls standing tall was beginning to falter.

She decided to head to the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face, hoping the contact would snap her out of this sudden hell.

After running the cool water over her face a few times, JJ leaned against the sink and looked in the bathroom mirror.

She hardly recognized the woman looking back.

There were deep purple circles under her eyes – evidence of her lack of sleep - and she was thinner than she had ever been before. She looked exhausted, but even more so, she looked helpless. Like so many of the victims JJ had dealt with in the past, she had a look of hopelessness on her face that somehow translated to her entire body.

Something about her reflection hit a chord deep inside JJ, and for the first time since Hastings, she could see the intense physical affect the incident was having on her body.

And she knew – although she had always known – that she desperately needed help.


	3. Chapter 3

It was 11 o'clock when Emily heard her cellphone ringing, stuck somewhere between the side of the couch and the floor. By the time she finally dug it out, she was breathless and didn't bother to look at the caller before answering.

"Prentiss"

All Emily could hear on the other end was silence – broken only by the occasional sniffle, as if the caller was trying to hold back tears.

"This is Agent Prentiss," Emily repeated, confused by the lack of response.

When she once again heard nothing but an increasing amount of sniffles, she took the phone away from her ear to look at the caller ID.

She felt her heart skip a beat when she saw "Jennifer Jareau" printed above the call- timer.

"JJ?" She said softly, adjusting her tone to be gentle and caring instead of professional.

"JJ?" She said again, "is that you sweet girl?"

JJ nodded her head, unable to speak through her silent tears, before realizing that this non-verbal response would play no part in affirming Emily's question.

She tried choking back the tears, and it took all of her strength to convince her brain to formulate the words that were beating in her heart. She knew as soon as she spoke the agents' name, the dam she'd been holding in for months would finally break.

"Emily," she sobbed, "Emily, can you please… can you please come here? Emily… please?"

The sobs became uncontrollable on JJ's end and unbearable on Emily's.

"I can't take it anymore, I just can't take it Emily! Please, it has to stop, please. Please make this stop!"

JJ had sunk to the floor with her head in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably.

Emily could tell that the girl was in serious danger of hyperventilating if she continued on this way.

"I will be right there JJ honey. I will be there before you know it, okay? Just take deep breaths, okay? I will be right there."

Emily hung up the phone, grabbed her keys off the kitchen counter and raced out the front door, hardly stopping to lock up before sprinting to her car.

She didn't care that her outfit consisted of sweatpants and slippers, or that she'd been about to head to bed early for the first time in ages when JJ called.

Her only thought as she steered the car onto the main road between her condo and JJ's house was holding JJ in her arms and chasing away all of her fears. Her knuckles were white on the steering wheel and her heart was hammering through her chest.

She could not believe that JJ had finally chosen to reach out, and she didn't know why, but she surely was not going to let this opportunity pass.

As she pulled into JJ's driveway, Emily threw the car into park, cut the engine, yanked the keys out, and was at the door before she had time to blink.

The sharp knock on the door startled JJ. She was still on the kitchen floor, her knees pulled up to her chest with her arms wrapped tightly around them.

She felt like her lungs were not getting nearly enough oxygen, and her mind was on the verge of losing control. She could not bring herself to call out to Emily, and standing from her spot to let the agent in seemed impossible.

Emily continued knocking on the door. She could hear JJ's sobs, the sound muffled through the thick walls.

"Jennifer, it's me, Emily. The door is locked honey. Please come let me in."

Emily listened for a response, but her ears were met only by the continued sobs of her best friend. She could tell the woman was in no condition to acknowledge her request.

"You can do it sweetheart, listen to me! Everything is going to be absolutely fine. We will get through this together. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you will get through this. You aren't alone. Just come let me in. Please JJ."

JJ wanted more than anything to have Emily at her side, but she could not move. She was paralyzed by fear.

Panic took over.

Her breathing began to come in small, sharp and painful breaths.

She was terrified of all the unspoken things surrounding her heart.

When Emily heard the change in JJ's breathing, she stopped talking and began looking for access into her house.

She did not want to break the door down, but knew she would if she had to.

She ignored the overwhelming fear, pushing it to the back of her mind as her training took over and she looked for a solution.

Glancing at the small slit between the door and the frame, Emily noticed the deadbolt was not locked. Breathing a hurried sigh of relief, she grabbed her credentials out of her pocket and pulled out the emergency credit card she kept in the same pouch, not caring as a million other cards went flying.

She jammed the card into the slit between the door and its frame, easily gaining access to JJ's house. She dropped the card and closed the door before heading towards the sound of JJ's panic.

Emily made her way into the kitchen, frantically trying to locate her best friend. As she navigated around the island in the center of the room, her eyes fell on the small blonde huddled on the floor with her back against the cabinets.

Emily's heart nearly broke in half at the same time that relief swept over her.

"JJ," she whispered, slowly crouching down beside the woman.

"Hey honey, it's okay… it's okay. I'm here now. Everything is going to be okay, I promise."

She reached her hand out slowly to place it on JJ's arm, but immediately felt her stiffen at the touch.

Withdrawing her hand, Emily continued in a soothing voice:

"JJ, we need to get your breathing under control, okay? I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you are absolutely safe. No one is going to hurt you. And I am not going anywhere."

JJ still had her head buried in her arms, tears falling between each painful breath she took. She knew the words Emily spoke were true, but her mind had become hopelessly overwhelmed.

Noticing that words alone would not fix this, Emily decided on another tactic she had learned long ago:

"JJ, I need you to listen to me. Focus on my voice and _only_ on my voice. Can you do that for me?"

This elicited a slight nod from the blonde, so Emily continued, "I am going to get behind you, okay? This is going to require being touched, but you need to remember who it is. It's me… it's your Emily. I am not going to hurt you and you know I never would."

As she spoke, Emily gently put her hand on JJ's shoulder and began moving her forward. The touch caused JJ to tense up again at first, but as Emily continued moving to get between JJ and the cabinets, she felt her friend slowly begin to relax.

Once Emily had her back pressed up against the cabinets with one leg on either side of JJ's form, she gently took hold of the woman so her back was resting on Emily's chest.

"Okay," Emily sighed with relief, "good job sweetheart. Now, I need you to do something else: I need you to listen and feel me breathe. Focus on every breath that I take. Feel my chest slowly rise as I take a breath and then fall as I let the breath back out. I need you to focus on my breathing and nothing else right now, okay? Let it fill your mind."

Emily finished her instructions before asking, "Can you do that for me?"

JJ let out a slight nod in response. She kept reminding herself that it was Emily who had a hold of her, and her body was beginning to acknowledge that this woman was safe.

Emily knew she needed to calm her own beating heart if she wanted to get JJ's rhythm under control.

She took in a deep breath before starting the exercise, praying this would work.

"Okay JJ, as you focus on my breathing, I need you to try _as hard as you can_ to copy it. Every time you feel my chest rise, I want you to take in a deep breath too. Continue taking the breath in for as long as my chest is rising. Don't let it out until you feel my chest start to fall; don't take another breath until you feel me doing the same. Try to match my every breath, okay?"

At first, the task was easier said than done, and Emily's only sign to continue came from the fact that JJ seemed to be trying very hard. But over time JJ became comforted by Emily's rhythmic breathing, and she tried hard to follow her directions as the brunette whispered encouragements in her ear:

"There you go. Nice and slow…nice and slow."

Emily was happy to feel JJ's breathing slowly becoming more normal. She had her head rested back against Emily's shoulder, and as she continued to relax, Emily slid her hands down JJ's arms and entwined their fingers. Using her thumb, she caressed the outside of JJ's hand while continuing to whisper in her ear,

"You're doing so good Jay. You're almost there; just continue focusing on my breathing. You are so safe here. I've got you. I've got you…"

A calming peace was beginning to wash over JJ as she allowed Emily to comfort her. She recognized how severely her body had missed the physical touch of someone she loved. As her muscles let out the last of the tension they held, JJ leaned completely into Emily and prayed that she would continue speaking her soft, reassuring words into her ear.

Emily noticed that JJ's breathing was nearly normal now, but continued whispering her reassurances long after the blonde was back under control. The kitchen was silent except for the slight whir of the refrigerator, Emily's whispers, and the occasional intake of breath as JJ's tears slowly subsided.

The warmth that radiated from Emily's body seemed to attach itself to JJ, and she suddenly felt so tired that she could hardly manage to keep her mind focused on anything other than keeping her eyes open.

JJ's eyelids were beginning to droop when Emily noticed that she was falling asleep on her. The sight filled Emily with a deep sense of love and protection, but she knew she couldn't let JJ fall asleep on the hard kitchen floor.

Emily spoke softly so as not to startle the small woman in her arms, "You did great JJ. You did so great." As JJ opened her eyes wider, trying to focus on Emily's words, she noticed the brunette was speaking to her with a sense of pride for overcoming the panic.

"I'm so impressed with you JJ. Everything is going to be fine now. You made it through. You are _so _strong, and you are going to be just fine. I promise." JJ found that she was beginning to believe the words Emily spoke. She no longer felt hopelessly overwhelmed and alone.

"I'm going to get you some water, okay?" Emily said. "Then we will go somewhere more comfortable so you can rest."

JJ desperately wanted Emily to continue holding her, and as the brunette slowly started to rise, JJ's heart-rate spiked. She squeezed the Brunette's slender hands and mumbled, "Just a little longer. Please?"

The pleading in JJ's tone was enough to make Emily do absolutely _anything _for the blonde, and her resolve was quickly broken.

JJ felt Emily settle back down against the cabinets, and as she did, she removed her hands from JJ's grasp and wrapped them around her stomach instead. JJ settled back down into Emily's embrace.

"Of course," Emily answered softly, "As long as you need."

JJ's voice came out low and hoarse, "Thanks, Em."

They stayed like that for a long time – Emily holding JJ close and JJ taking in every second of Emily's comforting embrace.

When Emily eventually noticed that JJ's head was beginning to lull, she removed her arms from around her stomach and placed her hand gently on JJ's forearm instead.

"You can't fall asleep here sweetheart. It isn't comfortable. And your body needs some water before we get you to bed."

JJ let out a reluctant sigh, not wanting the moment to end. She swore Emily had a healing power that she was using on JJ every time they touched.

"Why?" JJ whined, and despite the situation, Emily could hear the humor in her tone.

The brunette smiled as she awkwardly climbed to her feet and stepped out from behind JJ. She leaned down, offering her hand to help JJ up. Once the woman stood solid on her feet, Emily grabbed her to pull her into a deep and unexpected hug.

JJ could feel the built-up worry in Emily's bones as she clung to her friend.

After releasing her grip, Emily looked JJ over and softly ran her thumb across the bags under JJ's eyes. She then turned away towards the fridge, trying to hide the tears that quickly formed upon viewing JJ's exhausted face.

As she watched Emily ruffle through the fridge, pretending like she didn't know where the water was in order to buy some time, JJ wiped the remaining tears from her face and cleared her throat.

"Em?" She asked hesitantly.

Emily continued pretending to search the fridge for water.

"Emily? Can you stop for a second please?"

Emily reluctantly stopped her false search, grabbed the handle of the water pitcher and pulled it out, placing it down on the island. She then turned and looked into JJ's eyes, revealing the small string of tears that had begun to fall from her brown eyes.

JJ took in Emily's appearance for the first time since she had arrived. She wore an old t-shirt, baggy sweatpants and slippers. Her hair was still damp from the rain falling outside.

JJ was struck by the fact that Emily had literally dropped everything she was doing when JJ called and got to her house in record time. She could not begin to fathom the love this woman must have for her.

The look in Emily's deep brown eyes as they bore into JJ's filled her with an overwhelming sense of warmth and comfort. It was unlike anything she had experienced before, and before she knew it she was reaching her hand out towards Emily's delicate face, using her thumb to gently push the tears away.

"I am so sorry Emily." JJ whispered. "I didn't mean to scare you. I shouldn't have called like that…" she let her hand drop with shame and looked towards the floor, slowly retreating back into her shell.

But this time Emily wasn't letting her go.

She grabbed JJ's shoulders to keep her from retreating and began speaking with a passion that had the blonde hanging on her every word.

"JJ, the fact that you chose to call me tonight set me free from a personal hell I have been experiencing for months now. You misunderstand these tears. Of course I am worried about you…I love you JJ. Deeply. But these tears are also tears of joy, because you have finally realized the fact that you need help."

Emily paused to take a deep and steadying breath.

"Don't you _dare_ turn back now. I know this is hard. Actually, I can't even imagine how hard it must be. But JJ, you are my very best friend in this world. I cannot stand seeing you bottle this up any longer. So don't you _dare_ go back to that dark place all alone."

Emily's voice began to shake as she finished, "If you have to go back there, you are _taking me with you_ this time. Do you understand?"

The emotion and sincerity in Emily's voice chased away JJ's uncertainties and ripped straight through her already crumbling walls. The blonde surprised herself again as she leaned forward to fall into Emily's arms with no hesitation.

"What did I ever do to deserve a friend like you?" she whispered in the brunette's ear.

Emily squeezed JJ tighter, unable to answer the question through her tears.

There was no need to answer; JJ could feel the love Emily had for her more than she felt anything else in that moment.

When JJ finally released her hold on her best friend, the brunette slowly stepped back and let out a shy laugh while clearing her face off with her hands. She then turned to the cabinet with the glasses, choosing the largest she could find, filled it to the brim with water, and handed it to JJ with slightly shaking hands.

"You need to drink that whole thing, but not too quickly. Just take small sips."

JJ did as she was told; noticing a small change in her body as the water slowly replaced her escaped tears.

"There is no way your body can be under stress like that and not result in a killer headache. Where do you keep the ibuprofen?" Emily asked.

JJ gestured towards the guest bathroom while she continued to drink, and Emily left the room before the blonde had time to tell her exactly where the medication was. She returned a second later with three pills in her hand. Tipping the pills into JJ's hand, she gave her a look that clearly meant, "Swallow those. Now."

JJ followed directions once more, allowing the pills to slide down her throat. When she placed her glass back down on the island, Emily topped it off before returning the water to the fridge.

She then turned and looked into JJ's blue eyes once more.

"I'm taking you to bed now. No arguing. I am also going to stay on your couch all night long. I will be here if you need anything at all." Her tone was one of finality – not compromise, and JJ didn't dare argue.

Emily extended her hand, allowing JJ to reach out and accept the invitation. "Oh and JJ?" she said, "You sure as hell had better get me if you need me. You aren't alone anymore."

Once she held JJ's hand securely in her own, Emily grabbed the blonde's water from the counter and led the way to the master bedroom.


	4. Chapter 4

As she opened the door to the neat, cozy bedroom, Emily was struck by the familiar scent of JJ…soft and clean, with a hint of fruit – perhaps strawberries? She couldn't be sure.

The scent was always apparent, but never overbearing. It immediately created a flurry of butterflies deep in the pit of her stomach, but she ignored the feeling - as she always did.

She let go of JJ's hand to turn on the bedside lamp and place the water beside it. She then turned to the blonde, resting her hands on her long and slender arms.

"Would you like to get ready for bed?" She asked.

JJ nodded, giving a slight smile of thanks before retreating to the master bathroom.

Emily let out a long breath, watching the blonde walk away until she was behind the door.

Turning towards the bed, she saw a framed picture on the bedside table that she'd never noticed before. Curious, she walked closer and was surprised to find her own face smiling up at her – a broad and undeniable smile, a soft pink settled on her cheekbones, slightly tipsy, with her arm slung around the beautiful blonde as if it belonged there.

Emily had never seen the picture before, and as she looked closer she was blown away by how good JJ looked. Had she noticed it the night the picture was taken? Surely she had.

The blonde was wearing a lovely black dress with smoky eyes that accentuated their unbelievably blue color. Her lips were bright red and still wet from liquor.

It was the best picture Emily had seen of them, and as she tore her eyes away from the blonde to examine herself once more, she had to admit that she'd looked good that night too.

She was wearing a red, sleeveless blouse that brought out her raven dark features and showed off her toned arms.

She couldn't help noticing how perfect they looked together, nor could she ignore the fact that JJ had chosen to place this picture in a spot where Emily would be the first and last thing she saw every day.

Her head was beginning to spin as her feelings rushed into her mind and overpowered her senses. She sat down on the bed, trying to regain control. There was no reason that her best friend cherishing a picture of them should warrant this reaction. She needed something to do, something to snap her out of this unusual and uncharacteristic response.

Emily looked around the warm room, trying to locate a source of distraction.

Deciding she wanted the room to feel as safe and comforting as possible for the blonde, she rose from the bed and set about making small changes.

She turned on the lamp that rested on the handsome oak dresser and then looked to ensure that the bedside lamp she'd turned on earlier was on the side farthest from where JJ normally slept.

An idea hit her then, and she strode across the room once more.

Opening the double closet doors, Emily grabbed a few shear scarfs from their slender drawer and headed towards the lamps. She covered the lamps with the scarfs, creating a soft ambiance that cloaked the room in a dim light.

After admiring the gentle glow, she returned to the closet to retrieve the small tower-fan she'd noticed in the corner. Strategically placed on the chair by the bedroom door, the fan filled the room with a peaceful hum, blocking any unwanted noise from the rest of the house.

Emily then went to the side of JJ's large bed and pulled the thick blue quilt back, ready to tuck the blonde in for the night.

She hoped the small changes would help JJ feel more at ease, but her true desire was to stay in the room with her. She always slept better with someone in the bed beside her and knew the same was true for the blonde.

Standing by the bed, Emily's thoughts turned to the framed photograph once more. Her thoughts created a warm wave that started in her toes and rushed through her entire body, leaving its mark on her pink cheeks.

She heard the bathroom door open and turned to see JJ walking out in a pair of comfy sweats. Even with her face washed completely free of any makeup, the blonde was breathtaking.

The butterflies rose up and began to flutter once more as her cheeks turned a deeper shade of pink.

"Do you think you can sleep?" Emily asked, trying to silence the frenzy in her stomach.

JJ looked into her eyes, trying to be strong. She hesitated slightly before answering, not wanting to ask too much of her friend. "Yes… I think I can."

Emily smiled and gestured towards the bed. JJ reluctantly walked over and climbed in, allowing her friend to pull the covers up to her shoulders.

"I really like the picture Jay. I'd never seen it before," Emily said nervously.

The girl looked up at her with confusion, and Emily gestured towards the framed photograph beside her.

The blue eyes lit up as they fell on the picture – a reaction the brunette noticed with a smile.

As JJ continued admiring her treasured photo, her eyes slowly filled with tears.

"JJ?…" Emily began with surprise, but stopped short as the blonde opened her mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry Em… I don't know what's wrong with me." She covered her face with her hands as the brunette set beside her on the edge of the bed.

"I just love you so much," she whispered through her fingers, and Emily couldn't help but allow the smile to spread across her face as she gently moved her friend's hands, wiping away the small tear left on the blonde's porcelain cheek.

"I love you too pretty girl," Emily smiled down at her.

"But that's no reason to cry!" she continued with a small laugh. The blonde appreciated her light-hearted approach to the situation as she looked lovingly into those passionate brown eyes.

"How about you get comfortable you little goober," Emily said affectionately.

JJ returned her smile, clinging fondly to the new nickname as she turned onto her stomach.

Emily slowly began to rub her back, doing her best to soothe the girl into a restful sleep.

JJ closed her eyes at the touch and prayed it wouldn't stop. The dimmed light of the room and the gentle sound of the fan helped calm her, but she desperately wanted Emily to hold her again.

Emily looked down at the small blonde, lost in her thoughts as she examined her beautiful face and methodically rubbed her back.

When JJ opened her eyes to glance up at Emily, she found her gaze met by the beautiful brown gems of her best friend. She refused to look away, realizing it would be impossible even if she tried. The gorgeous features and love etched on the brunette's face were far too mesmerizing to interrupt, and JJ found herself diving deeper into the eyes of her friend, searching their depths in the hopes of uncovering hidden dreams.

Emily felt immediate fear rise in her heart as the blue eyes seemed to peer straight past her walls and into her soul, surely locating her darkest secrets. She felt naked… exposed…

She wanted to cover up, replace her guard, but found she was powerless to do so.

As the gaze remained uninterrupted, Emily located a flicker of desire in the eyes of her friend. Fear rose then with a relentless power, and Emily tore her eyes from the beautiful blue gaze.

She cleared her throat, interrupting the moment. "I will be right on the other side of that door," she whispered, not wanting to continue looking into those all-knowing eyes.

"You get some sleep hun. I will leave the door cracked. If you need _anything_ at all, please call for me, okay?"

JJ nodded her head sadly, relocating the brown eyes of her beautiful friend. More than anything, she wanted the brunette to wrap her in her arms so she could fall asleep to the sound of her heartbeat.

Emily smiled down at her and gently ran the back of her hand across her smooth cheek before rising to leave the room.

She had nearly reached the door, her hand extended towards the knob, when the fear bubbling inside JJ pushed her to ask.

"Em?" She said, raising herself up on her elbow.

The brunette turned back as her heart stopped in her chest.

"Would you mind terribly if… um… is it too much to ask… do you think you could stay in here with me tonight?" The blonde finally blurted out, her cheeks filling with the pink embarrassment of her less-than-smooth inquiry.

Emily tried to hold her happiness in as it clashed with her sudden onset fear over the desires in her heart.

Despite the conflicting feelings inside her, she answered calmly, "Of course JJ. I would love to stay in here with you." And it was true… more than anything she wanted to snuggle up with the blonde and fall asleep holding her in her arms.

A smile tugged at the corners of JJ's mouth as Emily walked around the bed and climbed in the other side. She held her breath as she felt the brunette scoot closer to her, letting it out only when Emily was right at her side. She wanted to feel the comfort of Emily's healing touch once more, but was completely unsure how to ask for something like that.

As Emily moved closer to JJ, she wondered if she should reach out and take hold of her, but decided that would not be appropriate under the current circumstances.

She remembered JJ asking her to keep holding her just a little longer when they were in the kitchen, and an electric jolt surged through her body at the memory of the hoarse voice quietly pleading for her.

An awkward silence fell between the women as they both contemplated rather they should simply fall asleep as they were – on their backs side by side – or if they could somehow get closer.

JJ broke first, realizing that Emily had tried reaching out to her several times in the past few months with no response. The blonde had only just recently refused to take her friend's desperate hand on the jet. She had pushed Emily away every time she'd tried reaching out to take the pain away. The sadness of all those memories caused JJ to turn on her side so she was facing the gorgeous brunette.

She was being stupid. She knew Emily would do anything for her, and she had gladly held her earlier with no protest.

JJ began scooting closer to her friend, and as she did, Emily held out her left arm so the small blonde could fit into her form. JJ smiled to herself as she realized that her friend had wanted the same thing she did.

No longer feeling awkward or nervous, she placed her head on Emily's chest and wrapped her arms tightly around her stomach. Emily let the blonde snuggle into her body before placing her left hand on her back and her right hand on her forearm.

The blonde felt the radiating heat of her friend's body as it filled her with a warmth of her own. Every place that Emily touched seemed to spread through JJ's entire body, until she was cloaked in a warmth and comfort that was indescribable.

Once they had settled into this position, Emily breathed in the sweet scent of JJ's hair while slowly rubbing her back.

JJ closed her eyes and let out a small sigh, which sent yet another jolt through Emily's body, and she hoped desperately that the blonde couldn't feel what she'd just felt.

Looking down at her friend, Emily realized she had never been this close to the beautiful woman before, and holding her like this – with the blonde trusting her entirely - felt like heaven.

For the first time in months, JJ did not feel scared to embrace the sleep that was so ready to overtake her. With Emily clutching her with all of her might, she knew she was safe. She snuggled herself deeper into Emily's arms and closed her eyes for good, feeling the slow, rhythmic heartbeat of her perfect friend.

Emily feared that JJ falling asleep would put an end to the progress she had made – that once she awoke in a less- vulnerable state of mind, she would quickly regret reaching out to her. But the bags under her eyes and exhaustion etched on her beautiful face were enough to make Emily cry, and so she continued rubbing her best friends' back as JJ slowly drifted off to sleep.

Once her breathing had become steady and smooth, Emily felt it was safe to take the time to look over the beautiful woman she held in her arms.

Her long black eyelashes fluttered occasionally in her sleep, and Emily couldn't help but smile at how adorable it was.

She was struck by JJ's unfaltering beauty, even at only inches from her face. She had always had the experience that people looked their best from at least a few feet away, but JJ's striking features and smooth skin were only enhanced from a smaller distance.

As she took in the beauty of her friend, Emily once again felt the jolt of something warm and electric in her stomach. This time, the warmth coursed through her veins until it had reached every part of her body. She felt it race to her fingers and her toes, doubling over and heading back to her heart once it had reached the outer limits of her body.

The only sound in the room was the soft whir of the fan and the barely audible breaths from JJ's sleeping form. Emily watched her own hand rise and fall with every breath that JJ took.

The quiet was doing her no favors, and she found it increasingly difficult to escape from the thoughts hammering inside her head.

She loved JJ… that was no secret. They had been best friends for as long as Emily could remember and she would gladly do anything for the girl. But what no one knew – sometimes not even Emily, because she had such a talent for lying to herself – was that the love she felt for JJ went far deeper than she was willing to admit.

She had never been with a girl romantically - never even thought of a woman in that way before - but when she lay in bed at night, in the quiet moments before sleep settled in, Emily's imagination would often fill her mind with thoughts of gently kissing the soft, pink lips of her best friend. She imagined how it would feel; how those full lips would taste against her own. She would imagine holding the small hand in hers while they walked barefoot in the grass, fingers entwined, laughing at the world around them.

The daydreams always filled her stomach with fluttering butterflies as she imagined that perfect smile being meant for only her.

Once sleep claimed her, Emily would sometimes have dreams that took her small and innocent fantasies to a whole different level. She always woke from those dreams feeling guilty, knowing she should never think of JJ as anything more than a friend.

Laying there in that moment, holding JJ close and feeling her every movement, Emily found it impossible to shut her mind off. She wanted more than anything to help JJ with all of her problems, to chase away her fears and make everything better. But it was nearly impossible to hold her this close and NOT admit the feelings she had for the girl.

It terrified her, and all she knew to do was continue covering the feelings up, the same way she had been ever since she met JJ. She had a real knack for burying things deep inside and never allowing them to resurface.

But protecting JJ with her tight embrace while the blonde explored the vulnerable world of dreams, Emily began to fear that she hadn't buried her feelings quite deep enough…


	5. Chapter 5

"I swear to God I will do this you little whore," he whispered roughly in JJ's ear.

They were on base in Afghanistan, the dry night air whipping through her hair. She knew Michael Hastings meant every word he said, and his tight grip on her arms was beginning to burn with pain.

He shook her hard, trying to illicit a response to his threats. Seizing her moment, JJ jammed her head forward, making contact with his forehead as hard as she could. Momentarily dazed and surprised, she took the opportunity to sprint away from him.

As she ran between the make-shift huts they called home, kicking up dirt behind her heels, she could hear him drawing nearer.

Suddenly, it was as if someone had sucked all the oxygen out of the air, and she found it impossible to breathe. Her legs were filled with lead and she knew he was going to catch her. She tried desperately to cry out… to no avail.

"JJ!" She heard the beautiful voice of Emily Prentiss calling to her from somewhere in the distance.

Whipping her head around frantically, she tried locating her source of salvation. She saw Emily nowhere, but Hastings was an arms-length away. She tried sucking in air as her heart stopped beating.

"JJ! JJ!"

Emily was closer now. She turned towards where she thought her voice was coming from, willing her body to push just a little farther.

But it was no use.

As his arms clamped tightly around her from behind, she let out a desperate, anguished cry: "EMILY!"

JJ shot up from her spot on the bed, nearly taking Emily's head off with her. Emily had been trying – gently – to wake her from her nightmare for the past 5 minutes.

She was drenched in a cold sweat and as pale as a ghost; shaking uncontrollably as Emily slowly placed her hand on the girl's back.

"You're safe sweetheart, you're safe now. I'm right here. I've got you," the brunette whispered, while using her free hand to run her fingers through the damp blonde hair.

"I'm going to be sick," JJ whimpered.

Emily climbed out of bed and grabbed the wastebasket, sitting down at JJ's side and continuing to rub her back.

"Take in deep breaths honey, just like before. You're safe now. It was just a dream, he can't hurt you anymore. He will never touch you again JJ. _Never_. You're safe."

JJ tried focusing on Emily's voice rather than the tumultuous waves of nausea rising from the knots in her stomach; willing her body to ignore the physical response to her nightmare… but it was no use. Pushing the wastebasket out of the way, JJ ran to the bathroom to get sick.

Emily rose from the bed to follow her friend, wishing with all of her might that she could take this away from her.

She held the blonde's hair and softly stroked her back while she got sick, holding back her own tears as she prayed this would end quickly. She couldn't stand seeing the people she loved in pain, but with JJ it was different; it was unbearable to see her like this.

The intense physical response to a dream only cemented Emily's fear of what Hastings had done to her friend, and she found her fingers curling tightly around the blonde strands in her hand as a heated anger rose up her neck.

The sound of JJ's tears snapped her out of her growing rage; she placed her hand on the blonde's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze as she continued getting sick.

"It's okay sweetheart, it's okay…"

Exhausted, the petite woman finally flushed the toilet and rose from the floor, slowly turning towards the sink to rinse her mouth and brush her teeth.

She was shaky on her feet, and Emily reached out to steady her.

Once her teeth had been brushed twice, JJ splashed cold water on her face before rinsing her mouth with a minty mouthwash.

Emily couldn't help noticing that this routine seemed sadly common.

The blonde turned to her then, a look of embarrassment and shame interrupting her gorgeous features.

"I'm so sorry Em," she said quietly.

"Nope, don't even go there JJ. Stop right now."

Her bottom lip began to quiver as she looked into Emily's eyes, fear apparent in every part of her bright blue ones.

"I need help Emily…" she whispered; small streams of tears beginning to spill down her cheeks.

Emily's heart broke in half for her friend, and she took a step forward to hold the girl. JJ wrapped her arms around Emily's neck with a relentless grip, as if her biggest fear was losing her.

Emily could smell the fresh mint on her breath as JJ exhaled against her neck. As much as she hated the pain her friend was in, she was lighting up from the way the blonde was reaching out and trusting her.

JJ was crying hard now, emptying the long-held dam she'd been building up for months on her friend's shoulder, and Emily stooped down to pick her up - one arm wrapped around her back and the other under her knees as the girl continued clinging to her.

As she carried her to the bed, Emily felt JJ's hot tears slide down her own neck and absorb into her shirt. By the time they reached the bed, the wet spot on Emily's shirt had grown and the blonde's warm breath against her damp skin had created yet another jolt of electric heat throughout her body.

Feeling desire threatening to overtake her, she carefully bent down and lowered JJ until her head rested gently against the pillow.

The brunette planned to stand and cover her friend with the thick quilt, but JJ would not relinquish her grip as she rose, causing Emily to lie down beside her.

Once she was on her back, the blonde settled on top of her, resting her head back on her shoulder.

They lay like that for a while, with JJ crying from her nightmare while her friend held her close, smelling her sweet scent, until the tears finally subsided and Emily cautiously whispered, "How often do your dreams make you sick JJ?"

The girl had expected the question, and she shifted slightly away from Emily before answering. "I don't know… not very often."

"Jennifer, come on…"

"Maybe three times a week?" She said defensively. "I don't keep track Emily." She said her friend's name with more of an edge than she'd intended. Glancing up and seeing the look on the brunette's face, she tried continuing in a gentler tone.

"It isn't a big deal Em, okay? I just have a weak stomach. I'll get over it"

Emily let out a sigh, realizing how quickly JJ had gone from admitting her need for help to covering up the reality of the situation.

"I know it's not okay…" JJ whispered softly after a moment; surprising Emily with her vulnerability.

"…but can we just not talk about it right now?"

The brunette pulled her friend into a tight hug before responding, "Of course Jay. We don't have to talk about it right now."

JJ smiled with thanks before turning on her side with her back towards the brunette, clearly inviting her friend to continue holding her.

Emily kept her right arm under the blonde's head and matched her form, pressing the length of her body against the back of JJ's. She then used her left arm to wrap around JJ's stomach, pulling them closer in the process. The blonde rested her arm on top of Emily's and grasped the brunette's slender hand, entwining their fingers.

Breathing in her sweet scent once again, Emily put no effort into calming the butterflies the blonde was creating in her stomach. She moved closer still, until the bodies of the two women were nearly one.

JJ closed her eyes and reveled in the closeness, tightening her grip on her friend's hand. The power Emily had over her was unreal, and she soaked in the calm, comfort and healing that the brunette was showering over her with every touch.

After a few moments of silence, Emily knew she had to speak. Blood was coursing through her veins from being wrapped so closely with her gorgeous friend, and she feared she was in danger of revealing her deep feelings for the girl.

Having made slight progress with her previous question – along with exponential progress during this night as a whole - Emily decided it was worth the risk to finally ask the question she viewed as most important. She had longed for answers for months now, and regardless of how JJ felt, she needed to talk about it. It was time.

She took a steadying breath to prepare herself before heading down what was sure to be a difficult road.

"JJ?" She whispered into the back of the girl's head.

JJ turned around so she could look into those deep brown eyes she loved so much. She smiled up at her friend as the brunette gently reached out and swept the hair out of JJ's eyes.

Emily took several moments to gather her courage, and the serious look in her eyes had fear rising in the blonde.

When she realized waiting wasn't helping, she finally opened her mouth and timidly asked, "Jay… what did he do to you..?" although she was unsure if she could handle the answer.

JJ's body immediately tensed up at the question and she dropped her eyes down, breaking the gaze.

Emily let out a quiet sigh, having assumed this would be the reaction she'd receive. She began rubbing her friend's arm soothingly as the blonde continued her refusal to make eye-contact.

"It's okay JJ…it's okay. You don't have to tell me."

JJ knew that Emily hadn't completely finished her statement, surely having left part of it out due to the blonde's already- difficult night. Her friend might have said, 'You don't have to tell _me_,' but the unspoken was, 'but you have to tell _someone.' _

JJ could hear it clearly in the silence that followed the brunette's words, and she knew her friend was right.

She had to tell someone, she had to get it out, because it was caged inside and destroying every part of her.

Little by little, her silence had been erasing pieces of who she was, replacing those pieces with a weak and scared girl who threw up from dreams and hid her pain from those who cared most.

It was time for a change.

She glanced up, finding the brown eyes filled with deep love and concern, and realized there was no one safer – or better – in the whole world to share her secrets with than the girl who'd already succeeded in breaking through her walls.

The decision to answer Emily's question required JJ to recall painful memories; memories she desperately wanted to forget. As the deep shame and guilt that came with those memories made its way to the surface, JJ swallowed hard and began. It was now or never.

Emily was surprised to hear JJ's soft voice, having resigned herself to the idea that the blonde would not be speaking anytime soon.

"He put his hands all over me," she whispered, pulling away from the brunette unconsciously.

"He touched me like I was his property… like I _belonged _to him. He touched me like it was the most natural thing in the world. And there was _nothing_ I could do to stop him," She held back her tears, determined to stay strong.

"I couldn't do anything Em; I couldn't do one damn thing to stop his hands from touching me because I was tied up. Because I was weak from everything he'd already had done to me. And no matter what… I couldn't stop him."

Anger was rapidly replacing the softness of JJ's voice, and it was filling Emily's mind as well.

"Even if I could've stopped him though, I couldn't. I couldn't Emily. I had to take it, because Cruz would give away everything we'd worked so hard for if it meant keeping me safe. So I had to make him think I was okay… no matter what that animal did to me," she spat, staring up at the ceiling with a lethal hatred in her beautiful eyes.

"Sometimes I can still feel him on me," she continued, the words coming quickly now. "I hear his voice in my mind and feel his dirty hands tracing my stomach. No matter how much I shower, he is still on me. There is nothing I can do; I see him over and over and _over _again. His hands are always on me."

JJ sat up, the emotion growing in her voice as tears slowly slid down the tracks previously left on her cheeks.

"Did he…?" Emily began, but JJ was on a roll now, words spilling from her mouth as she finally told her story.

"I could smell his sick breath while he taunted Cruz with me – while he used me like I was some bargaining chip. Like my life meant nothing more than what I could get for him."

She had her hands clinched into tight fists, her knuckles turning whiter by the second.

"And, after everything," she continued through clenched teeth, "Cruz gave it away anyways. After all that we'd been through, he broke… he broke because of_ me_. I was his Achilles heel; his kryptonite. And Hastings knew it. That sick bastard knew everything Emily."

Her voice quieted to a whisper with her last statement as she reached up and wiped the tears from her face.

Emily could tell the woman was gathering her courage, considering whether to reveal her deepest secrets or not. The brunette stayed completely silent, not wanting to interrupt or scare the girl from speaking.

"He knew _everything,_" JJ repeated softly, hearing Hastings words in her ear as the ghost of his touch lingered on her stomach.

The sobs began to rise from deep inside as her darkest secret burned like acid in the back of her throat.

Pressing the sobs down with all of her might, she pushed the truth out while she still could:

"I was pregnant Emily," she sobbed, covering her face with her hands and taking in quick, shallow breaths.

"I was pregnant, and he knew!"

Emily sat up immediately, a sick feeling settling in the pit of her stomach as shock struck every part of her.

"I lost it… I lost my baby," the blonde confessed, pushing the words out through her sobs, "And he _knew_. I swear to God he knew before I did. All of it…everything. And that's how he got to me…that's how he really broke me, in the end. He knew my secrets – the things I kept hidden - and he used them against me."

The brunette could not fathom the news that her friend had been pregnant. Trying to swallow that pill - and the abundance of questions that came with it - along with her immense hatred for Michael Hastings was making her head spin.

She was abruptly snapped out of her thoughts as JJ brought her words to a close:

"He put his hands _all over_ me," the blonde repeated, shuddering, "but I didn't let him have the power. I stayed strong." She swallowed hard before finishing, "But now… now I'm afraid he is _always_ going to have power over me…even in his death. How is that possible?"

The shock persisted in Emily's bones as JJ fell silent, staring down at her hands, looking so small and afraid.

The brunette was completely unsure of how to proceed in the silence. No words seemed to suffice, and she slowly reached out towards the blonde, desiring more than anything to make her feel the love she had for her.

When her fingertips reached JJ's arm, the girl jumped and pulled away, clearly lost in her terrorizing thoughts of Hastings.

JJ had felt broken more times than she cared to admit since losing her baby, but now, sitting on her soft bed with her best friend frozen beside her, she felt more shattered than ever before.

She willed herself to look into Emily's deep brown eyes, hoping to apologize without words, but as their eyes met, JJ was overcome by that look again: that magical look that told her she was safe…she was loved…that she was going to be okay.

The look that had the power to change her feelings from hopelessness to abundant strength.

The look that had begun making her feel things she didn't quite understand; cloaking her in a warmth that only Emily could provide.

Emily. Her truest friend… her beautiful confidant… her unwavering shelter.

She wanted to speak her name out loud, to soak in the way it felt as it left her lips.

She suddenly felt like an unbelievable idiot for pulling away from the touch of her friend, losing herself in Emily's mesmerizing eyes as the desire to be touched rose inside her.

As if reading her mind, the brunette reached out once more, inviting JJ into her arms.

The blonde gladly accepted the invitation, breathing Emily in as she was wrapped in her loving embrace.

"We'll fix this," Emily whispered, "we'll put the pieces back together. It's going to be okay…everything is going to be okay."

JJ lost it at Emily's words, exposing her shattered soul with every tear she shed.

Emily did all she was able to do for the girl, holding her close and willing her love to envelope her friend and somehow heal the hurt.

"If I could take this, I would." she whispered to the blonde. "In a heartbeat."

JJ squeezed her tight. "I know you would," she said through her tears.

As they lay down wrapped together, a feeling rose inside JJ, and she immediately voiced her fear to her friend:

"Sometimes, I'm afraid I'm going to disappear." She whispered. "That who I am is disappearing because I don't know who I am anymore. He died… he disappeared, and the world changed. He disappeared, but he is still everywhere to me. And the world just keeps going on like nothing is different when, in reality, everything has changed. I've changed. Who I was is gone… and I'm disappearing because I just don't know who I am."

"I know who you are," Emily responded. "I know who you are JJ, and I'll remind you every single day. I truly cannot fathom the way you feel…and I don't ever want to be insensitive to you, not ever… but please don't let him have that power over you JJ. A person only has as much power in your life as you allow them to have. And Michael Hastings CANNOT be the deciding factor of who you are. You went through something truly and completely horrible, and you changed because of that. And that's okay. But do not allow that sick son of a bitch to erase the pieces of what makes you who you are: my strong, stunning friend. He can't do that. No one can take that from you unless you let them Jay. So please… don't let him have it."

JJ looked up into her friend's eyes in awe, feeling more empowered than she had in months.

"You are the wisest person I know," she said to the brunette.

Emily let out a quick laugh. "I don't know about that JJ…I just know there are things in all of us that _no one_ can take away. They can beat us down, mock us, bruise us… but they can _never _take our souls. That is something that can only be had if we willingly give it away."

JJ smiled as her friend's words washed over her. She felt the sudden desire to give Emily those intimate parts of herself, imagining a life where her soul was no longer hidden, but rather known and guarded by the safety of Emily's heart.

They fell silent once more, both trapped by their thoughts. As the minutes ticked by, JJ found her eyelids drooping while sleep tried claiming her again.

Every time sleep nearly found her, the blonde would jerk herself awake, not wanting to return to the danger of her subconscious mind.

Eventually, Emily noticed the pattern and shifted, placing both women in the perfect position for sleep. An unbelievable warmth and comfort washed over their bodies, and the blonde knew she couldn't hold out much longer.

"Don't be afraid JJ," Emily whispered. "You can go back to sleep… I am right here. I won't stop holding you."

The blonde smiled, soaking in the protection of her friend, but couldn't help remembering that she hadn't stopped the dreams before.

"I'm so glad you're here…" she whispered, "but nothing ever stops him from coming in my dreams."

Emily was silent for a moment, pondering her response.

"They say you dream about the last ten things you think about before falling asleep." She smiled at the blonde before continuing, "I'll give you ten things that will fill your dreams with happiness: Hotch. Rossi. Morgan. Spencer. Garcia…" She paused, letting out a nervous breath. "Me."

The blonde smiled up at her, that powerful smile that Emily wanted to copyright for herself.

She continued in a soft whisper, her voice shaking slightly, "how much I love you… how I would do anything for you… _anything…_"

She reached out and stroked the blonde's cheek with the back of her hand, surprising herself with her boldness.

JJ closed her eyes at the touch, overcome with joy at the words of her friend, but conflicted by the feelings those words elicited in her body.

There was a silence between the women as Emily's hand lingered on the soft cheek of her friend, both feeling warmth and desire course through their veins.

"That's only eight things," JJ whispered, breaking the moment.

Emily removed her hand and smiled once more. "Think of how much our whole team loves you too… and think of Sergio."

Both women laughed in reference to Emily's feline companion.

JJ snuggled deeply into the brunette. "Thanks Em," she said softly, her eyelids beginning to droop once more.

"Anytime Jennifer… Thank you for trusting me."

JJ smiled as she closed her eyes. "You'll be here when I wake up?"

"Absolutely," Emily said.

"… could we spend tomorrow together?" JJ asked.

The brunette felt her heart leap with joy before repeating, "Absolutely."

The blonde smiled once more, feeling a peace wash over her in Emily's arms.

Emily looked down at her small friend, admiring her strength and unimaginable beauty. She leaned forward and gently placed her lips on the girl's forehead, closing her eyes as she felt JJ's warm skin against her lips.

"Goodnight JJ," she whispered.

The blonde felt the height of love and comfort fill her bones, desiring nothing more than to have Emily's lips stay on her forever. She tightened her grip on the brunette, knowing she would be right there when she awoke.

This time, as sleep washed over the blonde, Emily was right there with her, and they both passed into the world of dreams together.


End file.
